12-Steps of Recovery

f you are still watching the Niners, reading about the Niners, flinching at the Chicago highlights, well at least you know you are a Niner fan, but I’m afraid there is no cure. Maybe they can come up with a morning after pill for season ticket holders, because they are the ones really getting screwed every Sunday.

Or better yet a 12 step program:

1. We admitted we are powerless over our problem — that our hearts and passion to the Niners has become unmanageable.

2. We believe that a power greater than ourselves, Denise York, could restore us to sanity by firing her husband.

3. Make a decision to turn your will and your football lives over to the care of Steve Young and Brent Jones if they would only be allowed to buy the team.

4. Make a searching and fearless inventory of our irrational, insatiable desire to see a winning 49er franchise.

5. Admitted to our wives, to our children, to ourselves, and to another human being, preferably Ronnie Lott or Joe Montana, the exact nature of the unbearable chains of servitude we accept for our beloved 49ers.

6. Admit, we are entirely ready to have Denis York remove all these defects of character. Actually, just one character.

7. Humbly asked Jed York to admit his father’s shortcomings and ask him to ask his mom to sell the team.

8. We can make a list of all persons York has harmed, ask them to sign the petition, and ask Denise York to make amends to them all.

9. Give condolences to your fellow suffering Niner fan wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others – like at a Raiders game.

10. Continue to take personal inventory and when our sour mood bums out our fellow man, promptly admitted it and apologize.

11. Seek through prayer and meditation, conscious contact with Montana, Rice, Young, Walsh, Lott, Craig, Fuller, Mckittrick, Cross, and oh so many other former Niner heros, praying only for knowledge of their work ethic, pride, poise and football talent to infect our current crop of less-than adequate players.

12. Stop scaring your family; after all it is only a game.